Are you serious? You’re shameful! I’m glad I didn’t have to share the theater with you. That must have been disturbingly horrifying!
Now, let’s pick a more screamworthy film. But before that, let’s make this one point clear: Scream is not screamworthy.
You protest against the chosen film because you’re weak, but because your friends are nice enough to offer you a reason to get your next heart attack and because you’re a sucker for horror films, you accede.
You guys head to the cinemas, bought yourselves tickets, and went in the theater with your ever-reliable movie buddy, Mr. Popcorn, in hand. Isn’t throwing that bag of popcorn always a stress reliever in moments of suspense, like when that bogeyman comes out of that kid’s closet?
What’s that? You don’t believe in Mr. Bogeyman? Seriously, what planet are you from?
It’s fun throwing popcorn when something exciting pops out during a movie! That’s a fact! Oh, and especially if the person in front of you suddenly has yellow hair all over his head! Ha!
No, seriously, don’t do that. It’s a mean thing to do. I don’t want you to get into trouble, and I don’t want a man to come out with greasy hair and a red face – you’re a terrible person. But more importantly, I don’t want to see you come out with a black eye. Aww… See? I’m really a nice person.
So, the movie starts to roll. You’re enjoying the first few scenes, popping popcorn in your mouth and sipping some iced tea afterwards, then Kayako and her big ball of hair surprises you!
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! (in a shrieking voice)
What the? – everybody in the theater
*you threw your popcorn*
What the? – man sitting in front of you
What the hell is up with whoever that is? I wanna punch him/her! – moviegoers searching the theater for the scream queen (read: YOU)
Thank you for summing up everybody’s emotions back there. But, thank you also for ruining everybody’s horror experience with your screamfest!
Careful – one more shriek, and they’ll catch you with your mouth open and your feet up on your seat in a crouching position. You don’t want to be stared at with those fiery, rage-filled eyes.
But, you can’t help it.
Louder and pitchier this time.
They all stare at you with fists floating in their thought bubbles.
Oops! That was embarrassing!
Come on, The Grudge is that scary! Why isn’t anybody screaming? - you
Somehow, those angry stares and meeting eyebrows tell me that there’s something more you should be more scared of than Kayako and Toshio.
But, that’s life: we learn from shame!
Have you ever screamed inside a theater? How do you feel when you hear someone screaming in the middle of a film? Share your stories/emotions in thecomments section.